Ohhhhhh God, what kind of person is this guy now? why would he do things this way, is something lost in his brain? doesn’t he have common sense? in short i know what to do, i wont give him the attention anymore…
Why would she say such a thing, jeez, am i sure i didn’t make a mistake? or is she just trying to be unnecessarily stubborn? why is she behaving like someone who isn’t educated? doesn’t she know her words are hurting my ego?…
I’m so sure you wondering what’s all the gibberish i am saying, i know the thoughts in our minds would be what exactly is happening? or who and who is having a fight? i would get to the root of the matter in a minute.
Let me ask, in relation to the first aspect of this series, how many of us has LEARNT something new about our partner? what new things have we discovered? are they nice things, or unpleasant things? are they things we knew about before and didn’t really pay attention to, or things that we knew and has been improved? how did we learn it? was it a nice experience or a bad one?
not every learning experience is always good, but what matters most is the ability to learn something from it. over the years, i have grown to realize that learning is never complete if there is no communication. and this brings me to the next part of our definition of love. we are going to discover what the O stands for.
O- OPEN UP IN LOVE: i was going through the bible, trying to understand how to open up to someone i love in love, and i came through 1 corinthians 13. and in the bid of trying to rack my head around it, i was able to conclude that before i can open up in love i.e say my mind without first arguing, or having a misunderstanding, i need to
1. be patient, know when it is right,
2. be kind, say what i want to say with kindness and affection,
3. not be boastful, don’t say it like i have the right to, simply because he/she is my partner,or say it like no one cares,
4. not be rude, say what i have to say with respect,
5. not be insisting, leaving my mind open to not expect what exactly i have in mind to hear, or saying it authoritatively,
6. not be irritable, don’t have to say it the minute it happen or present the matter without properly constructing it,
7. be truthful, there is only need for proper construction and no need for hiding the truth.
I have come to the realisation that the words above and more are thoughts that go on in our head as a guy or girl concerning our partner, either when we are having a quarrel or when we are learning something about our partner. and most times they are thoughts that are left as thoughts and never expressed or expressed wrongly which leads to resentment and leads to a bad turn. truth is this, the lack of expression or the expression in a non pleasant way has led to so much mis-understanding among people either as couple or as parent-children or as friends or as siblings.
The ability to realize that we are different and to know that eating up our words wont improve the other person, rather leave the person in ignorance is needed. we need to learn to open-up in love, learn to say what we want to say in the right way. if you truly love someone, you would tell the person ways to correct or improve. let us not be the type that praises alone and never make suggestions for correction, or be the type that criticise and never appreciate.
So from the team of the ADVANtage, we are wishing you the best as you tell your partner what he/she needs to know in a way you all will be happy.